"There are times when we have to step into the darkness in faith, confident that God will place solid ground beneath our feet once we do." ~President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
One of the things I love to do in my spare time is look up inspirational quotes from different religious leaders. This one really resonated with me as I reflect on the miracle that happened to me last night.
I have been living in Nampa a little over a month now, but moving here was not easy for me. It took a lot of money to move up here and so my finances have been incredibly tight. I didn't get paid in August, so I knew I was going to have to wait until September. Well, at the beginning of September I was down to $30.00 in my account. I don't get paid until the 25th of each month, so I knew I had to be really careful. So, I made a plan! I would not spend more than $13.00 on food at the grocery store and the rest I would use for gas money.
First week was easy! I felt like I was really going to make it. The second week came and I realized that I hadn't accounted for the fact that I would be driving to Boise a lot that week. As the needle in my car slowly moved down closer to the "E" I started to get more and more nervous. I used the last $17.00 to fill my car up a little more than half way of gas. I could feel the stress and I had an internal war with myself. I didn't want to have to go to my parents. My Dad was incredibly kind and actually paid my first month of rent for me and then went out and helped me buy my groceries that first week. I didn't want to go to him and ask if he could spare $15.00 (though I knew he would do anything to help me). Call it my "adult pride", but I didn't want to ask. So, instead, I prayed. I have been working like crazy at school and I know the paycheck will come in on the 25th, but it was a matter of surviving until then.
It wasn't even the food that concerned me, it was the gas! Melba is about 16+ miles away from where I live. I don't have a bicycle and, even if I did, I doubt that I would start riding to school in the skirt! I really had no other source of income, and I didn't know what to do. I continued to pray and ask Heavenly Father what I could do to hear a few quick dollars. There were ads everywhere about how to "earn cash quick", but they were things like giving away jewelry and things like that.
Last night I went to a CES (Church Education System) Fireside that was given by Elder D. Todd Christofferson. One of the things that he talked about was putting God first in our lives. As I have lived here I have done my best to put Him first: studying my scriptures, praying, paying tithing, and even going to the temple every week. But as I listened, I realized I could do better. I made a resolution right then to strive to do better. I set goals, wrote them down, and immediately went to work when I got home. Before I went to bed I started studying for my Sunday School lesson in a couple of weeks. As I was reading I had this feeling that I needed to look at my phone. I tried to push that thought out of my mind because I was striving to put God first and I didn't want to be distracted. The feeling came again, but a little stronger. I, once again, pushed it aside and thought to myself, "Sarah, you have a problem! You can't go two minutes without looking at your phone!?"
Finally the third time, the feeling was so strong I could not resist. I picked up my phone and looked. I had a missed message from my Dad. I listened and he informed me that I had gotten something in the mail from the BYU-Idaho Bursar's office. I felt my stomach tighten as I listened; that office has to do with finances. I haven't been a student for about a year and I was worried that they were going to ask for money from me. My Dad asked me to text him if I wanted him to open it. I asked him too and he sent me this message back: "It is a $75 housing refund from BYU Idaho. If you still have your account at America First Credit I can put it in tomorrow if you want."
Tears immediately started to flow down my cheeks as I read that great miracle! I couldn't believe that a year after leaving Rexburg I was just now getting a check for money. But it is enough money for me to survive (gas and food) until I get my first paycheck. Like President Uchtdorf says, sometimes we have to "step into the darkness in faith" and believe that "God will place solid ground beneath our feet".
God's hand is truly in our lives; He is aware of each of our individual needs. You might be able to hide your true feelings and stresses from people around you, but you can NEVER hide them from the Lord. He places little "tender mercies", as Nephi calls them, in our lives every day. Some are big and some are small, but they are always there. I challenge you to take a step into the darkness and let God place that solid ground beneath you. He is there, and He loves you!
Monday, September 15, 2014
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Lessons for a First Year Teacher
This post if more for me, but feel free to read it if you want!
God is truly amazing! Straight-up, He just is! I speak so much to others about how His hand is always in our lives and how He blesses us with little "tender mercies" and so on. But, there are times in our life when literally nothing goes right! There are times in our life when we just want to throw in the towel and quit. That is totally normal!!! Despite my reputation of always being happy, I have those days too! This past week has been full of them and last night was just the icing on top!
(I don't want to go in to detail about what happened this week because you, as a reader, will still gain from this message if you don't know everything.) Last night I came home feeling professionally inferior, foolish, and completely alone (despite the fact that I was not). I drove the long drive home at 10:00pm and just cried. I asked Heavenly Father to come sit in the car with me and I just talked to Him. I had this feeling that I needed to turn the "Do Not Disturb" off on my phone. I pulled over and reached down to turn it off and I saw that I had a voicemail and missed call from the principle. I listened and the first thing I heard was this,
"Hey Sarah, I just wanted to let you know that the band did a great job tonight . . ."
My little tears became a sob as I recognized that as a small tender mercy for me.
I continued the drive and when I got home I saw that the gates were closed for my apartment complex. They have been doing work on it so I knew that my original code wouldn't work. They gave us a temporary password and I proceeded to use that. Now, here is a side-note--I had never used this before and so I followed the directions on the panel. No matter what I did it would not open the gates. At that moment, the only thing running through my head was "I really don't need this right now!" I wanted to flick somebody in the eye, I was so angry!
After me standing there and feeling stupid for about five minutes somebody else pulled up behind me. I asked them if they knew anything about the passcode and they knew less than I did (we are both pretty new). Then somebody else pulled up, they were also new. None of us could figure it out! At about 10:50 we finally got help and they told us that we didn't have to follow the panel, we just typed in the number. I had never rolled my eyes so hard in my life!!!!!!! The feeling of foolishness started to overpower my anger when I had the feeling to look around. There were five other people standing outside with me that knew just as much or less then I did!
As silly as this sounds, I recognized that I am not alone. We all have struggles that we are going through, and though some of them are the same we all have different experiences leading up to it. Their experience at the gate was different from mine because we all had different things happen to us that evening. I immediately went to bed because I was just done.
This morning I woke up still feeling pretty hurt from last night. I had a meeting this morning that was in Meridian, so I got up and got ready for that. I decided that I would spend the day in Boise (which is where I currently am; rehearsal tonight!) so that I could save on gas. I arrived at the meeting and was greeted by one of the choir directors that I just adore! His name is Ron and he just rocks! I didn't think he would remember me because I didn't work with him that much, but he did! I ran in to David, Andy, and of course my friend Joie! She was so sweet and bought me hot chocolate from Dutch Bros, another tender mercy!
Throughout the meeting started I had the opportunity to meet a lot of other choral and band directors. One of them happened to be from Melba. I teach his daughter choir and he told me to start working on his son! He told me that he heard about what happened the night before and said that I needed to keep my chin up. I was doing great things for Melba and my personality was contagious! I put on my best smile and thanked him for what he said. He and another gentleman offered their assistance if I ever needed anything. I told them I would use it and then we parted ways.
I then talked with Joie about everything that happened and asked her what I should do. This is one of the biggest things I learned: it is okay to feel hurt and sad! Silly, right? I was trying so hard to force this happiness and feeling that there was something that I needed to learn from all of this. But I wasn't letting myself feel through the emotion that I naturally needed to feel. Yes, I still hurt now. But I am feeling through it! It will affect me for a little bit, and that is okay! So long as I don't let it stop me from doing what I need to do!
I am reminded of what my friend and tutor, Eli, told me once: "You have too much to do to let this get you down." And he, as always, is right! I do have too much to do to let this stop me. Does that mean I can't feel poorly about it? No! Does that mean that I have to go eat a carton of Ben and Jerry's ice cream? No! I have too much to do! These kids need me and, to be honest, I need them!
My lessons:
God is truly amazing! Straight-up, He just is! I speak so much to others about how His hand is always in our lives and how He blesses us with little "tender mercies" and so on. But, there are times in our life when literally nothing goes right! There are times in our life when we just want to throw in the towel and quit. That is totally normal!!! Despite my reputation of always being happy, I have those days too! This past week has been full of them and last night was just the icing on top!
(I don't want to go in to detail about what happened this week because you, as a reader, will still gain from this message if you don't know everything.) Last night I came home feeling professionally inferior, foolish, and completely alone (despite the fact that I was not). I drove the long drive home at 10:00pm and just cried. I asked Heavenly Father to come sit in the car with me and I just talked to Him. I had this feeling that I needed to turn the "Do Not Disturb" off on my phone. I pulled over and reached down to turn it off and I saw that I had a voicemail and missed call from the principle. I listened and the first thing I heard was this,
"Hey Sarah, I just wanted to let you know that the band did a great job tonight . . ."
My little tears became a sob as I recognized that as a small tender mercy for me.
I continued the drive and when I got home I saw that the gates were closed for my apartment complex. They have been doing work on it so I knew that my original code wouldn't work. They gave us a temporary password and I proceeded to use that. Now, here is a side-note--I had never used this before and so I followed the directions on the panel. No matter what I did it would not open the gates. At that moment, the only thing running through my head was "I really don't need this right now!" I wanted to flick somebody in the eye, I was so angry!
After me standing there and feeling stupid for about five minutes somebody else pulled up behind me. I asked them if they knew anything about the passcode and they knew less than I did (we are both pretty new). Then somebody else pulled up, they were also new. None of us could figure it out! At about 10:50 we finally got help and they told us that we didn't have to follow the panel, we just typed in the number. I had never rolled my eyes so hard in my life!!!!!!! The feeling of foolishness started to overpower my anger when I had the feeling to look around. There were five other people standing outside with me that knew just as much or less then I did!
As silly as this sounds, I recognized that I am not alone. We all have struggles that we are going through, and though some of them are the same we all have different experiences leading up to it. Their experience at the gate was different from mine because we all had different things happen to us that evening. I immediately went to bed because I was just done.
This morning I woke up still feeling pretty hurt from last night. I had a meeting this morning that was in Meridian, so I got up and got ready for that. I decided that I would spend the day in Boise (which is where I currently am; rehearsal tonight!) so that I could save on gas. I arrived at the meeting and was greeted by one of the choir directors that I just adore! His name is Ron and he just rocks! I didn't think he would remember me because I didn't work with him that much, but he did! I ran in to David, Andy, and of course my friend Joie! She was so sweet and bought me hot chocolate from Dutch Bros, another tender mercy!
Throughout the meeting started I had the opportunity to meet a lot of other choral and band directors. One of them happened to be from Melba. I teach his daughter choir and he told me to start working on his son! He told me that he heard about what happened the night before and said that I needed to keep my chin up. I was doing great things for Melba and my personality was contagious! I put on my best smile and thanked him for what he said. He and another gentleman offered their assistance if I ever needed anything. I told them I would use it and then we parted ways.
I then talked with Joie about everything that happened and asked her what I should do. This is one of the biggest things I learned: it is okay to feel hurt and sad! Silly, right? I was trying so hard to force this happiness and feeling that there was something that I needed to learn from all of this. But I wasn't letting myself feel through the emotion that I naturally needed to feel. Yes, I still hurt now. But I am feeling through it! It will affect me for a little bit, and that is okay! So long as I don't let it stop me from doing what I need to do!
I am reminded of what my friend and tutor, Eli, told me once: "You have too much to do to let this get you down." And he, as always, is right! I do have too much to do to let this stop me. Does that mean I can't feel poorly about it? No! Does that mean that I have to go eat a carton of Ben and Jerry's ice cream? No! I have too much to do! These kids need me and, to be honest, I need them!
My lessons:
- It is okay to be hurt and sad, just don't let it completely control you!
- I am making a difference.
- "Sarah remember, you have too much to do to let this get you down."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)