I am beautiful, I am special, I am loved!

A few people who read this blog don't really know about the life changes I'm currently going through. I'd like to take a second to share it with you! I've been striving to be healthier by eating better and jogging. I actually haven't been jogging for about a week because I've strained a muscle in my heel, but I think it'll be fully healed by tomorrow (pun is completely intended)! So, I'll begin jogging again tomorrow morning at 7:00am! But, this is from another blog that I'm writing specifically about this particular journey! I wanted to share it with you who read this! I feel that it's important to share goals, struggles, and successes when you're going through a change. Here's that specific post:

As I've been jogging I've learned that I'm not my friends who are runners. That isn't to say that I'm not enjoying jogging at all. I feel that it's free therapy! It has really helped me feel a better balance in my life! But I need to remind myself why I'm doing this. It isn't because my friends are doing it; it's because I WANT to be healthy, fit, and happy! So, I'm going to make some changes.

This blog (the private blog about this health journey) is meant for me to write some things I'm feeling about this little repentance process I've been going through. I'll explain; for the majority of my life I've resorted to food to make me feel better (that and music, but you don't get much physical activity from sitting at a piano). Looking back, I wish I could tell my nine year-old self that I just needed to control what I ate, don't eat so much junk, and to get out more and run around! But I can't do that! So, one step at-a-time I'm changing my heart and my body. I've already lost a couple of pounds from doing so and it feels great! But I do need more dedication.

My goals:

• Jog 4-5x a week!
• My goal is to be able to run 1.5 miles in less than eleven minutes by January 3, 2013.
• A goal I have for Winter Semester of 2013 is to run the midnight 5K that the campus will be doing (I hope). If not, I'll do it on my own!
• Do NOT eat fast food! Eat it maybe 1-2 times a month (but don't count on it)!
• It isn't healthy and there's nothing to gain from it, except for some extra pounds! ;)
• Don't eat so much sugar/junk food!! Limit size/tpm (times per month)
• This one is huge for me! Recently I've learned that, as I've been making these lifestyle changes that my stomach actually gets really upset when I eat too much sugar (ice cream, chocolate, etc.) So, limit it!
• I'm not getting rid of it all together because from everything that I've read, that isn't healthy. But limiting the intake is healthy. It's good to "splurge" on something every now-and-then. But really make it "now-and-then".

These are being put into effect immediately! I obviously couldn't necessarily get the jogging this week, but I'm jogging tomorrow AND Saturday AND Monday!

Despite these goals to change my appearance, I want to make it clear that I know that I am beautiful, that I am special, and that I am loved. I'm not doing this to gain approval from anybody; I'm doing this so that I am healthy! I need to change my health because, let's face it, right now I'm not healthy! But, I love who I am and I'm loving this change that I'm making! I thank you all for your constant love and support!

Lullabies

Well, I just got back from a funeral. It was my first time going to one for an infant. Her name was Jennsen and she was two and a half months old. The funeral was very touching and full of hope. It's easy for people to think to themselves "Why has this happened? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this?" But, this funeral was all about the hope and the truth that they will see Jennsen again. Jennsen is with Heavenly Father, she is in His arms right now. I know that there was a reason that she was taken away at this time, but I do not know the reason.

In the program there was a beautiful, yet heart-wrenching, poem in the front. As I read it, I couldn't help but feel tears fill my eyes. The poem is called "Lullabies" and it says:

Daddy please don't look so sad,

Mommy please don't cry.

I am in the arms of Jesus

and He sings me lullabies.

Please do not try to question God,

don't think He is unkind.

Don't think He sent me to you and that

He changed His mind.

You see, I am special

and I'm needed up above.

I'm the special child you gave Him,

the product of your love.

I'll always be there with you.

So watch the sky at night.

Find the brightest star that's gleaming,

That's my halo's brilliant light.

So Daddy please don't look so sad,

Mommy please don't cry.

I am in the arms of Jesus,

And He sings me lullabies.

I know that Brother and Sister DeWall will be able to see their beautiful baby Jennsen again. Not only that, but they will get to raise her during the Millennium! Bishop Witt said, "Grief is a product of love." I feel that it's necessary to feel grief, because that's a way of showing that you loved them. I don't know this family at all, nor did I get to meet them. But I could feel the love they had for their child and I could feel the love that our Heavenly Father has for them. I'm so grateful for this gospel and for the truth that I know it is. I pray that the DeWall's will feel God's comfort, because He's there and He always will be. 

To those of you reading, know that God loves you! God does not put people into our lives for no reason. There was a quote on the front of the program that said: "There is no footprint too small that cannot leave an imprint in this world." (Author Unknown) If you've lost a love one, whether old or young, remember the time that you had with them and the lessons that you learned from them. Don't take time that you have with the ones you love for granted. I love you (yes, even you whom I do not know)! God bless you!

Refiners Fire

God is amazing! He truly is aware of my needs, but is also aware of when I am most open to receive what He needs me to hear or see.

As a choir today we sang the song My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee. I have always loved that song, it's message is so powerful! I feel a special love for music, particularly music with words. It truly does strike me to my core! It connects with my spirit in a way that few things really can! This particular song always reminds me of Joseph Smith's experience in Liberty Jail. And yet, we are reminded in the song, that though we may be going through trials and difficulties God's kindness--or love--will never depart from us. It doesn't matter what sins we commit, what things we do correctly or incorrectly, God's love will NEVER depart from us! He loves us; He is our Father! There have been times in my life where I've felt like He's forgotten me or He doesn't love me anymore! I want to testify that that is a lie! He NEVER forgets His children, of which YOU are! I may not even know you, but our Heavenly Father does!

The talks today were amazing as well! One of the speakers, Kyle, said: "Prayer is the key to getting through trials." It made me think of the hymn Lean On My Ample Arm; the word "ample" means: "enough or more than enough" His arm can support our burdens and so much more! His "yoke is easy, and His burden is light" (Matt. 11:30) Lean on His arm, trust in His love, and receive peace and strength!

In Sunday school the teacher mentioned the refiner's fire. We turned to 3 Nephi 24: 3 which reads: "And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver . . ." and there were several things that I felt were really important! Somebody in the class pointed out that it says that "he shall SIT . . ." and at first I didn't think that was significant. This is what the person went on to talk about. God doesn't put us in the refiners fire and then leave us to go do something else while we work through it. He sits there with us; Christ is with us every step of the way. Then we talked about what it means to be "refined". When a blacksmith refines silver or something they are getting rid of all of the imperfections; that's what happens to us! If we use prayer, like what Kyle said, and the atonement of Jesus Christ we can remove the imperfections that we have as we travel through this fire. (Now, I personally don't think that the imperfections are literally removed from us, but I believe that they are no longer an imperfection; I believe that they become a strength or that we gain control over it) Then Kellie, the teacher, shared something that a blacksmith once said. Here's the quote: "A silversmith once was asked, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He replied, "When I can see myself in it." (Via)

As I've gone through some trials of my own, I am beginning to look back and see where some of my weaknesses have become strengths, where I have been made a better person, and where I have been able to draw closer to God. Kind of quoting something that was said in church today, "I have not yet fought, but I do not fear." I know that I have not finished my fight, yet I do not fear. I know that God is sitting beside me as I go through the refiners fire, as my imperfections are changed and as I become more like God, my creator and my Heavenly Father. God knows me, Jesus Christ knows me, and they love me! I'm grateful for trials that help me become stronger, that help me master myself better, that help me become more like God.

"Release with love . . ."

You know, there are people that come into our lives for a "reason and a season" whether it's family, friends, mentors, teachers, etc. However, can I just say that sometimes it's hard to release them when that season changes. I was talking to my friend on Sunday about how I'm trying to "let someone go" in my life right now. She looked at me, lovingly, and gave me a new mantra: "Release it [whatever "it" may be] with love; receive peace and comfort." I've been saying this to myself all week, and I must say it has helped. I think that this can apply to any situation you may be in. When you need to let go of pain, release it with love. Understand that it was in your life for a reason, that it has taught you something worthwhile and now you can release it. Until you release it, the Lord cannot bless you with all of the peace and comfort He has to offer you. No matter what pain you are feeling due to an experience, losing somebody close to you, or whatever, "Release it with love; receive peace and comfort."

I just stumbled across this quote--the author is unknown--and I like it. It says: "I think God puts some people into your life to test you, until you stand up and say enough is enough. I am worth more than you offer me."