Success is . . .

Do you ever have those days when you realize that you are doing things with the wrong mindset? Today was that day for me! There are things in my life that I really wanted to succeed, but I realized today that my definition of "success" is skewed. As I spoke with my friend, Kellie, I realized that I was setting myself to a "worldly" standard/definition of success. The world defines success as: "the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence" (Webster's Dictionary). I recognized that, if I was rating myself according to the worlds standards, I am not very successful! She told me that she redefined what success meant to her; she defines success as: love and positive change. If an experience brings her to love somebody more, feel love, or change for the better, then it is a success!

Since then, which it has only been a few hours, I've been thinking a lot about what I define success is. I don't think I could narrow it down to a few simple words; but I think that success is a positive attitude and something that can influence others for the better. It could even be a "bad experience", but there are so many things to learn from it. Every day, "bad things" happen to everybody: somebody yelled at you, you wrecked your car, you got a paper-cut, etc. But it all depends on how you react to it. Every experience can help you succeed if you react to it with a positive attitude.

As I get ready for school (WEDNESDAY, HOORAY!!!!!), I'm trying to change my mentality about what success is. Not only that, but I'm trying to conquer my fears too. As I spoke with Kellie, I realized that the things that I fear have to do with how others see me. I have decided that I am a "people pleaser person". I like to be liked, I like people to be happy, and if they aren't, then I "failed". This has GOT to change in my mind! It's okay for me to try to make people happy; but to try to make everybody happy is a ridiculous goal! As the New Year rolls in, I've made a few goals about changing my mentality:

1. Do what I love because I love it! I am not trying to please or impress anybody. The Lord has blessed me with a talent, and I want to progress and learn more about it.
2. Don't let fear take the wheel! Fear will stop my progression. Fear is a form of pride that stops you from progressing and moving forward.
3. Let it be! This one is a little odd, but I have the tendency to dwell and worry about things. This is simply not healthy spiritually, mentally, physically, or emotionally. My life needs to have an equal balance that is centered on Christ. I need to have faith in the Lord and let it be.

These are just a few of my goals, I have plenty more! It is going to be such a fantastic year of growth and development! Happy New Year to all, and to all a good year!!! =D

Christmas="More Christ"

Christmas is my favorite time of year! I don't know about anybody else, but I feel like it brings out the best in everybody; it's the complete opposite of election time! ;) This Christmas, I decided to do something a little different; I truly did focus on Christ. I studied His birth, life, death, and resurrection! I took time to meditate and speak to my Heavenly Father and thank Him for all He has done, including sacrificing His son so that I could repent! Cool experience!

Not only that, but I was able to learn a bit more about myself. My Dad, for Christmas, got a book for me. We were at Deseret Book a few days before Christmas and I picked the book up, it was titled "Marriage is Ordained of God; But Who Came up With Dating?" I thought it was the funniest title ever, my Dad agreed! I opened it up to a random page and started reading it to my Dad. He snatched it out of my hands and said "I'm getting it for you!" I have actually been reading it! There is a section that is dedicated to young single adults who are at a "marriageable age". There's a point that talks about the saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." As I read that section, it talked about how "beauty" is actually in the eye of God. Satan likes to attack what he doesn't have, including the human body and families. If we let him tell us what beauty is, then he will win! But, if we listen to our Heavenly Father, we will understand what true beauty is. I've been praying to be able to see myself the way He sees me, and I am starting to see it! It is one of the most incredible things ever! Not only am I seeing myself through His eyes, but others too.  It's a very humbling experience because He not only is helping me see strengths I have, but weaknesses as well. Then I've been striving to improve myself in those areas (yes, this has been happening in the course of three days).

I am a beautiful daughter of God who loves me!

Party in Heber Cit-ay!!!

By this time, in two weeks, I'll be in Rexburg getting ready for school! I honestly can't believe how quickly time has flown! It honestly is going to be a little bitter sweet for me; I've made so many friends this past fall and I love my ward. But, it will be sweet to get back up to school and continue my education! I am honestly a little nervous about finances and things like that for next semester, but I know the Lord will help me.

On Saturday, I had the opportunity to go to a friends house and play some games! It was so much fun; we started by playing a game that's kind of like Taboo (sp?) but it is with all scriptural references. Some of it was really hard to guess and to describe. But, it was a blast any way! Later that night, I had a Relief Society meeting where we discussed what we were going to do for the Relief Society Christmas cards. I guess they were having a movie night right after/during our meeting because there were a few extra people around too. I then went back to the first party; I guess they had lent out their chairs to somebody for a wedding reception, so we went and got those. It was kind of funny, as we were about to leave, the girl who was driving was backing up in her brother's card. She backed up and hit the car behind her; it wasn't hard enough to cause damage, but it shook me up a little bit. She laughed and said, "Don't worry, that was my car." But as she pulled forward, she realized that it wasn't her car, but mine! Ha, there was no damage done, no dents, scratches, etc. But it was funny all the same!

After that, I went back to Melinda's house (where I had my meeting) and hung out with a couple of people there for a few minutes. Then I got to wait for a few of my friends from Idaho who came and stayed with me Saturday night! I was so excited to see them! I had been thinking the other day how much I missed Rexburg . . . but it was kind of late in the semester to go down for a purpose! Then, when my friend called and asked if they could stay with me, all I could think was "Rexburg is coming to me!!!"

Sunday morning came all too quickly! I didn't want to get up, but I knew I had to! That day, we (the ward choir) were singing in sacrament meeting for the Christmas program. I was nervous, but excited all at the same time! The spirit calmed me and reminded me that it isn't about the quality of the sound, but the power of the spirit. And the spirit was there; I love this time of year where I get to reflect on Christ and His birth, why He was born, and also His atoning sacrifice! It was great! My friends that stayed with me were nice enough to sing with us too! I am truly grateful for that as well! (By this time, my friends from Idaho had left) After church, I was talking to a few of my friends; we were talking about how Spencer's Dad, while he was serving his mission, had a strange experience while he was trakting (sp?). He and his companion went up to a door and when the door opened, a big man punched his companion! Spencer's dad tried to close the door, but it wasn't working. Eventually, he let the door fly open and he (Spencer's dad) punched the guy back into his house and then booked it (his companion had walked away, rather dazed prior to this). We then, kiddingly talked about if my friend Amy and I were mission companions and that happened. We decided that I would be the one who got punched first; then Amy would jump on the guy and start hitting him! Ha ha, we could not stop laughing just thinking about that image. I would then wake up and walk over to her, and calmly state, "Amy, we need to be teaching him the gospel." While still pounding on him, Amy would start teaching the first discussion "And he saw a pillar of light . . . Do YOU see a light?" Oh my, it was so funny! Of course, we would never do that . . . but it was fun to kid around about anyway.

I finally played "Settler of Catan" that night too!! I went over to a friends house and we played. It's fun . . . but I don't think I'd get addicted to it. It is one of the games that I would play every once in a while, but not a lot. I feel so blessed right now, even as I write all of this down, for the people that are in my life (friends and family). I have such wonderful people that surround me and help me up when I'm down. I am grateful for the opportunity I had to learn more about myself this past fall and to make friends here. When I first came down in July, I kept thinking to myself that I didn't have any friends here, everybody was just an acquaintance. I felt out of place, like I had already been put somewhere in the corner and there was nothing I could do to change that. Now, I can see friends everywhere I turn. I am so grateful for this fall break and the love I've felt from so many people here!

"Strengthened for the Challenges of the Day"

This week has been an absolute blessing to me! I've been striving to put God first in my life; I noticed on Sunday that I wasn't doing so before. God was in my life, but not first in my life. In one of my posts earlier, I had talked about how I needed to sell a housing contract I accidentally signed up for; I got two hits! Well, they also had talked to other people and I lost those two hits. I was starting to stress out. This week, I prayed fervently that somebody would buy my contract. Every time I prayed, I felt peace; everything was going to be okay.

Tuesday came around, and there were still no hits for me. But, Tuesday I got to go listen to my brother's band concert (as random as that sounds, it helped me a lot). I was amazed and comforted by the talent of these young people! They were playing excerpts from "The Nutcracker" and things that I wouldn't have been able to play at that age (anywhere between 11-13). As I sat in the concert, that peace washed over me again; everything was going to be okay. I needed to have faith.

Wednesday, I went to the Provo temple for the last time this year (it's closing for it's annual cleaning). It was a bitter-sweet moment for me; but I felt that same peace about my contract. I then went to Institute later that night; it was the last class for the rest of the year. Again, it was bitter-sweet; I loved listening to Sister McNaughten's testimony and her enthusiasm for the gospel. I truly believe that, because of her, I have a greater love for, and testimony of, the Prophet Joseph Smith. He is a prophet of God, no matter what other people say! That night, I prayed again for somebody to be guided to my contract. That same peace fell over me. I'd like to point out, I was never told "So-and-so is going to buy your contract soon." It was always just this feeling that everything was going to be okay.

On Thursdays, my prayers are always a little different. You see, while I was in Student Support, we would say prayers together. Thursdays, however, were called "Thankful Thursdays"; in these prayers, we try to say nothing but "thank you" and "I'm grateful for". It has helped me realize God's hand in my life since I've done this. That being said, I didn't pray that somebody would buy my contract; rather, I thanked Him for the peace He continually sent me about my contract. I knew everything was going to be okay. After I said my prayer, I studied the scriptures; that peace stayed with me through out the rest of the day. When I got home, I had the feeling that I needed to check my e-mail. I went in and did so, and there was an e-mail from a young girl in Korea . . . she wanted to buy my contract!!!! I quickly e-mailed her back and told her that it was hers! I received a second confirmation e-mail today!

God is truly watching out for me, and everybody in the world. That is one of the things I've learned in my Institute class this past fall; God is in the details. I learned to rely on Him more, trust in Him more, pray to Him more, and love Him more. I know that He is there, holding my hand and comforting me when I'm struggling. He loves me; I am a daughter of God and He loves me! To those of you who read this, YOU are His child, He loves YOU! I cannot say it enough! That thought alone, knowing that I am a child of God, has molded who I am striving to be and who I am striving to become. God is there for you; "ask and ye shall receive". I am so grateful for this past week and the experiences I've had to rely on God and to gain a better testimony of His love for me and all of His children!

"Rejoice Greatly, O Daughter of Zion"

Sunday I got to hear part of one of the greatest Oratorios ever written, "The Messiah". I know, I'm the worst music major in the world; but what a blessing it was to listen to such powerful songs about the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ. During this time of year, it never ceases to amaze me how much I forget the purpose. Despite the fact that I'm 21 years old, I still forget that there is a purpose behind this season. I know that Christ was born of humble circumstances, in a stable. And yet, even the animals knew that He was the son of God. I remember when I did "Savior of the World" this past year, there was a scene where the shepherds came and saw the baby Jesus. The angel had told the shepherds to share the news that the Christ child was born. The youngest shepherd went up to Mary and Joseph and said, "My father wants me to start by telling you." He then repeated the message that the angel said unto them.

I love that they felt the need to tell Mary and Joseph. They already knew that He was the son of God; but to have it reaffirmed was very powerful! "For behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord." During this season, I am striving to remember my Savior and His birth. But also His life and death; I love this gospel and all that I learn and gain from it. God is real, and so is His son--our brother--Jesus Christ! God is there for us, all we must do is ask.

"Shall we not go on in so great a cause?"

I've always loved Wednesdays! Wednesday mornings I drive my Dad to work (at 6:30) and am in the temple by 7:15; I've been doing that since last year! It has been such a blessing in my life! I'm considered a "regular" now and love seeing my friends (the temple workers) there every week! There is such power in the temple, even just on the grounds! I feel so blessed to be close to so many! Yesterday, my temple trip was very quick; I got in at about 7:10 and was out by 7:45. I could have stayed and just say there, but due to the police cars that I saw on my way up, I wasn't sure what traffic would be like. When I got home, I talked to my Mom a little bit. I don't think I say it enough, but I love my parents so much!!!! I love sharing ideas, bouncing things off of each other; it's just great!

Later that night, I gained a better testimony of Joseph Smith. In Institute we studied his martyrdom; I walked away from that class knowing that he is a true prophet of God! He was willing to give his life for what he knew was true. The story of the day in Carthage Jail always touches me. I picture it so vividly every time I read/hear it; I can see John Taylor sitting on the bed, singing "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief", sweat pouring down his brow due to the heat. Joseph leaning up against the wall next to the window while Hyrum Smith and Willard Richards standing nearby. Despite what is about to happen, the air is light. Then the wicked men come with their faces painted black; they storm up the stairs and start shooting. First they hit Hyrum who falls to the ground, dead. Seeing Joseph weep over his brother breaks my heart every time. Then Joseph, to try to get the mobbers to leave John and Willard alone, goes for the window. He, however dies in the process. In class, I read a quote that he said before he went to Carthage: "My work is finished." It never ceases to amaze me that he went to Carthage jail knowing he wasn't going to come back. He had done the Lord's will, therefore it was time.

To end the class, Sister McNaughten read something from Sister Lucy Mack Smith (Joseph's mother). I don't know if it was a journal entry or what it was, but she talked about the first time she saw Joseph and Hyrum after they had been killed. While she read it, she asked me to play "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief". The spirit bore witness to me that this was real! Joseph died so that I could have the truth today! I am so grateful for his willingness to sacrifice his own home, money, land, and life to help restore the true gospel on the earth! After the lesson, I thought of his quote: "Shall we not go on in so great a cause?" What a great cause this is; to bring the truth to the world! I shall go on in this great cause!

"Allahu Akbar"

Devotionals are over for the year (both at BYU and BYU Idaho). It was a very bitter-sweet thing for me to hear President Samuelson (BYU's President) tell the students that this was the last one for the semester and good luck on finals. Elder Tad R. Callister gave a FANTASTIC devotional! His topic revolved around integrity. As I sat and listened to him speak, I realized some things about myself. I've always known that I haven't been perfect; but there have been times when I really should have had stronger integrity then what I had shown. He gave 7 principles of Integrity:

1. Integrity is the foundation of our character
2. Integrity is not only doing with is legal, but what is morally proper and Christ-like
3. Integrity; decisions based on our nature
1. This one was my favorite; he spoke briefly about the difference between "behavior" and "nature". One can change their behavior without changing their overall nature. It was powerful!
4. Integrity is disclosing the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth
5. Integrity knows no excuses
6. Integrity is keeping our covenants even in times of "inconvenience"
1. This was another one of my favorites. He told a story about a man who had the task of fulfilling a job qualification before the end of the year (it wasn't a lot of time either). When asked if he would have it done by that time, the gentleman said "You have my word; it's better than a contract." It's better than a contract, because with those paper contracts, you can find loop-holes. In his word, there is no loop-hole.
7. Integrity is not governed by others; it is internal, not external
1. "To thine own self be true." ~Hamlet

By the end of the devotional, I concluded that my integrity would NOT BE FOR SALE AT ANY PRICE!

BYU Idaho's devotional was also something I needed! Brother Huff, one of my religion teachers, spoke.  He taught at the BYU Jerusalem center for a couple of years; during that time, he was able to observe different religions (such as Jews and Muslims). He talked about what a powerful example each of those faiths were in keeping things sacred in their religion. For example, the Muslims pray at five set times a day; one of those times is at 4:00 am! While he was there, he heard music play to tell the Muslims that it was time to pray. The phrase "Allahu Akbar" was said in the music; "Allahu Akbar" means "God is Greatest" I was touched! He also talked about the Jews and how precise they were while observing the Sabbath.

He talked about the phrase "The Sabbath" too. For our great-grandparents, it was called "The Holy Sabbath"; our grandparents called it "The Sabbath"; our parents called it "Sunday"; and we call it "The weekend". It has lost so much value and sense of the sacredness that it should receive!!! I listened to this devotional in my room; and yet the spirit was so strong! I finished that devotional and thought about things I could do better in my life. He gave me ideas for some things that I'd like to do too, like: be a life-long learner; have a list of good books; have a "bucket list"; have a list of inspirational quotes; etc. So, I've started doing all of the above!!

There was another tender mercy in my day today. I found out on Friday that I had two housing contracts, one at Birch Plaza (paid for) and one at Baronessa (deposit paid; contract wasn't signed). I e-mailed the person over Baronessa and told them that I wouldn't be moving in in the Winter. She wrote me back and told me that I either had to pay the $925 or I had to sell it myself. I immediately panicked! I asked her for some advice on what I should do. She recommended putting it on the BYU-Idaho bulletin board; so I did. I put the ad in the bulletin board and got an e-mail today!!! Answer to my prayers!!!! God truly is looking out for me and helping me!!! God truly is the greatest!!! =D

Christmas miracle . . . a little early

I love BYU's music program!!!!!! I had the blessed opportunity to go to the "Celebration of Christmas" choir concert on Friday night. It was kind of a miracle how I got in; I was there at BYU about an hour and a half early for the show. I went up to the ticket office and asked if I could buy a ticket for the show that night. The lady at the office replied, with a smile, "I'm sorry, we are sold out for all of the choir concerts. But, if you hang out here for a little bit, people always try to sell their tickets right before the show."

So, I sat, and I waited. About an hour later, I met a young lady (a junior at BYU) named Madison. We started talking and she asked me if I had a ticket. I responded that I didn't, but that I was waiting for somebody to try to sell their ticket so I could jump up and claim it! She laughed at my enthusiasm, but we both discussed that it would be highly unlikely (by this time it was 15 mins. to show). She got up to go in and I continued to sit there. I was vexed at my whole situation; how could it be sold out?

As I was about to get up and leave, an older gentleman came over and pointed to Madison. He said "She told me that you were looking for a ticket. Here you go!" I was shocked!!!! How in the world did this happen? It was an answer to prayer for sure!!! I reached in my pocket to grab the $15 for the ticket. The man shook his head and said, "No, no, it's a gift! Merry Christmas!!" The shock in my body intensified! What a tender mercy it was for me to go to that concert! Christmas is the most spiritual time of year, I think. The music is centered around Christ, just like the season. The strongest numbers were the first and one toward the end. The first was entitled "Of the Father's Love Begotten" by John Ness Beck; I couldn't even hum the tune back to you, but I felt the spirit there!!! The last song was by Felix Mendelssohn (one of my favorite composers ever) entitled "A Star Shall Rise Up out of Jacob". I love Christmas!!!! Thinking of Jesus Christ being born in a humble stable, and yet what He lived to be!! He is the Savior of the World! Absolutely fantastic!!!

Saturday night, I went to BYU's Divine Comedy Best Of show. Wow, is all I can say to that show! I bought the ticket on Monday had been looking forward to it all week! When I arrived (at 6:00; the show didn't start until 7:00) I was welcomed by a line that wrapped around the entire building, and even up the stairs! I waited and met some people in the line. We talked, and became pretty good friends! (It made me smile that, for the second day in a row, I stepped out of my comfort zone and made a friend in a place that I wasn't very familiar with. I felt great!) We then went into the show together and laughed hysterically! I left the show in high spirits, feeling like Uncle Albert in "Mary Poppins" (you know, "We love to laugh", and they float up to the ceiling). I walked around campus for a little bit and just felt the spirit that was there. True, it is very different than BYU-Idaho, but not in a bad way. I felt safe, protected, and welcome! I don't plan on transferring anytime soon--or at all for that matter--but it's nice to feel that in a place that is typically overwhelming and large.

I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had to go to BYU every week for the past couple of months! I'll be sad to leave in a little less than a month. Then again, it will be great to be back up at BYU-Idaho too! =D